I feel like I have lost my breath.
I can't seem to catch it again.
There is pain in my chest.
Feels, like my heart is going cold.
The pain that I feel, is from my heart breaking.
You are about to lose me.
Can you feel it?
I can.
You keep pulling away.
I keep trying to hold you close.
But today, I will let you go.
I have been in this battle for 8 years now.
My heart can't take it any longer...
You tell me you love, but I don't feel it any longer.
The love we had is far gone.
I feel like I am the only one holding on.
All I need to do is just breathe through this.
The pain will stop.
My heart will warm again.
But, I can't seem to let you go...
So, until then my heart will go cold.
And I will go numb.
Until you have killed everything inside me.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Questions you just gotta know...
These are the questions that I ask when getting to know someone as a friend or as more then a friend.
Do you feel you are better then anyone else?
Do people hate you?
Do you like yourself?
Do you personally hate anyone?
Have kids?
Do you feel as sex is an important part of a relationship?
How long do you last in bed?
Do you like oral sex?
(The oral sex one goes both ways...giving and receiving)
How often do you like having sex?
Where is the best place, you can think of, to have sex?
Do you honestly feel as though there is more to life then what we live?
Want to go sky diving?
How do you feel about blood?
Do you have a lot of friends?
Do you have a job?
House?
Car?
Life?
Favorite movie?
Favorite Music?
Favorite band?
Favorite holiday?
Favorite time of year?
When is your birthday?
How old are you?
These are it for now. I will write more but I just wanted to put the basics. And NOT in order.
Do you feel you are better then anyone else?
Do people hate you?
Do you like yourself?
Do you personally hate anyone?
Have kids?
Do you feel as sex is an important part of a relationship?
How long do you last in bed?
Do you like oral sex?
(The oral sex one goes both ways...giving and receiving)
How often do you like having sex?
Where is the best place, you can think of, to have sex?
Do you honestly feel as though there is more to life then what we live?
Want to go sky diving?
How do you feel about blood?
Do you have a lot of friends?
Do you have a job?
House?
Car?
Life?
Favorite movie?
Favorite Music?
Favorite band?
Favorite holiday?
Favorite time of year?
When is your birthday?
How old are you?
These are it for now. I will write more but I just wanted to put the basics. And NOT in order.
How do I tell you?
How do I tell you how I feel?
How do I get the words to come out right?
You would think I was good at expressing myself.
I can write everything out but can't speak the words I want to say.
Seems like I can never say the right things.
Everything comes out wrong.
I want to scream at you.
I want to tell you that I am sick of the bullshit.
Sick of being left behind.
You can relive the past memories of horrible women but you can't relive our past memories?
Why are you so hung up on them?
We have shared some great memories.
You make everything about YOU!
What about ME?
You drive me fucking nuts.
How can I tell you this?
How do I get the words to come out right?
You would think I was good at expressing myself.
I can write everything out but can't speak the words I want to say.
Seems like I can never say the right things.
Everything comes out wrong.
I want to scream at you.
I want to tell you that I am sick of the bullshit.
Sick of being left behind.
You can relive the past memories of horrible women but you can't relive our past memories?
Why are you so hung up on them?
We have shared some great memories.
You make everything about YOU!
What about ME?
You drive me fucking nuts.
How can I tell you this?
The time has come.
I think the time has come.
My heart is torn.
I don't want to do what I am about to do.
I love you so.
Please never forget that.
But, my heart can't take it anymore.
Tears run down my face.
You can see the pain in my eyes.
I can't take it anymore.
Do you not see the pain you have caused?
Tired of hearing, "When will he be here?"
He never shows.
Weeks gone by.
My daughter cries.
She has lost a friend to, you know.
You became so close.
Now, you are so far gone.
Not a moment goes by where I forget "our song".
I don't want this time to come.
But, you seem to be pushing for it.
My brain tells me to leave but my heart tells me to stay.
But, why put myself through so much pain?
I have tried to tell you how I feel.
All I get is, "I have other friends, ya know".
That has nothing to do with it.
You tell me you love me but never show it.
Thanks for sticking up for me but you know what, you have no idea how many times I stick up for you.
Is our friendship really done?
Finally over?
I thought there was more. Thought we had something left. You said you loved me but are you going to just let me walk away?
I leave it in your hands now.
I am done fighting for what isn't going to happen.
The end is coming to a near.
But, will a new chapter begin?
The time has come for all this to end.
Maybe one day you will see this, and see the pain I am in.
My heart is torn.
I don't want to do what I am about to do.
I love you so.
Please never forget that.
But, my heart can't take it anymore.
Tears run down my face.
You can see the pain in my eyes.
I can't take it anymore.
Do you not see the pain you have caused?
Tired of hearing, "When will he be here?"
He never shows.
Weeks gone by.
My daughter cries.
She has lost a friend to, you know.
You became so close.
Now, you are so far gone.
Not a moment goes by where I forget "our song".
I don't want this time to come.
But, you seem to be pushing for it.
My brain tells me to leave but my heart tells me to stay.
But, why put myself through so much pain?
I have tried to tell you how I feel.
All I get is, "I have other friends, ya know".
That has nothing to do with it.
You tell me you love me but never show it.
Thanks for sticking up for me but you know what, you have no idea how many times I stick up for you.
Is our friendship really done?
Finally over?
I thought there was more. Thought we had something left. You said you loved me but are you going to just let me walk away?
I leave it in your hands now.
I am done fighting for what isn't going to happen.
The end is coming to a near.
But, will a new chapter begin?
The time has come for all this to end.
Maybe one day you will see this, and see the pain I am in.
Past...
The past is something that needs to stay behind you.
You don't need to hide it.
You don't need to share it.
It makes you who you are today.
Don't live in the past because then you ruin the future.
Things may come up from times back when but just remember,
they are done now.
You can't change your past.
No one can.
Just don't hold on to it.
It will only make things worse.
As the saying goes, live for today not for yesterday.
You don't need to hide it.
You don't need to share it.
It makes you who you are today.
Don't live in the past because then you ruin the future.
Things may come up from times back when but just remember,
they are done now.
You can't change your past.
No one can.
Just don't hold on to it.
It will only make things worse.
As the saying goes, live for today not for yesterday.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Bike.
Riding hugged up against you.
Holding on tight.
Going at what seemed to be the speed of light.
Moving through traffic.
Gliding past cars.
You made my head clear and my thoughts all gone.
I knew I was safe, no matter how fast we went.
Time flew by as the day went to night.
Cold shivers down my spine, you lean against me to keep me warm.
The lights flash by. Nothing in sight.
These rides on the harley seem to have disappeared.
No more holding you tight.
No more going at the speed of light.
We lost each other.
Wonder if we will find each other again and come back to those close moments....
On the bike.
Holding on tight.
Going at what seemed to be the speed of light.
Moving through traffic.
Gliding past cars.
You made my head clear and my thoughts all gone.
I knew I was safe, no matter how fast we went.
Time flew by as the day went to night.
Cold shivers down my spine, you lean against me to keep me warm.
The lights flash by. Nothing in sight.
These rides on the harley seem to have disappeared.
No more holding you tight.
No more going at the speed of light.
We lost each other.
Wonder if we will find each other again and come back to those close moments....
On the bike.
Michael
You drive me up a freakin' wall.
You have no idea how much you have hurt us all.
Your lies.
Your games.
The hurt.
The pain.
We have a daughter together.
She is not a trophy, Michael.
She is this beautiful person.
You make me sick.
You make me weak.
A little piece of me dies inside every time you speak
Who believes the lies you tell?
I use to, you know.
Not anymore.
You don't realize that we have come to the end.
Growing up is something that you need to do.
Not me my darlin'.
You.
So for now, this is goodbye.
You have lost this war and it is time to subside.
Once you have learned, please come find us.
Goodbye Michael.
You won't be missed.
You have no idea how much you have hurt us all.
Your lies.
Your games.
The hurt.
The pain.
We have a daughter together.
She is not a trophy, Michael.
She is this beautiful person.
You make me sick.
You make me weak.
A little piece of me dies inside every time you speak
Who believes the lies you tell?
I use to, you know.
Not anymore.
You don't realize that we have come to the end.
Growing up is something that you need to do.
Not me my darlin'.
You.
So for now, this is goodbye.
You have lost this war and it is time to subside.
Once you have learned, please come find us.
Goodbye Michael.
You won't be missed.
The Games you play
I am so tired of the games you play.
Do you not realize how much pain you cause me?
I won't stand for it much longer.
I am not sure why you are playing these games with me.
Do you just want to hurt me?
Games are no fun my love.
Games cause to much pain.
I am getting tired now.
Going to lose it all.
You would think that now that we are older the games would be done.
But, yet you still play them.
My heart is about to give.
Can't take much more.
PLEASE stop playing these games.
I don't need this anymore.
Do you not realize how much pain you cause me?
I won't stand for it much longer.
I am not sure why you are playing these games with me.
Do you just want to hurt me?
Games are no fun my love.
Games cause to much pain.
I am getting tired now.
Going to lose it all.
You would think that now that we are older the games would be done.
But, yet you still play them.
My heart is about to give.
Can't take much more.
PLEASE stop playing these games.
I don't need this anymore.
Love
What is love?
How do you find it?
My life is full of all kinds of love.
Love for my daughter.
Love for my family.
Love for my friends.
Love for myself.
But, there is one love that I am missing.
The love of that "special" person.
That love from someone who wants to be with you forever.
Have I found it?
And just don't know it?
I am not looking for it, that is for sure.
But, truly what is love?
I know a mothers love, a daughters love, a sisters love, a family love, and a friend love.
But, what is true love?
How do you find it?
My life is full of all kinds of love.
Love for my daughter.
Love for my family.
Love for my friends.
Love for myself.
But, there is one love that I am missing.
The love of that "special" person.
That love from someone who wants to be with you forever.
Have I found it?
And just don't know it?
I am not looking for it, that is for sure.
But, truly what is love?
I know a mothers love, a daughters love, a sisters love, a family love, and a friend love.
But, what is true love?
Saying goodbye.
I had to say goodbye to you.
You were not good for me.
You brought me down.
Played me for a fool.
Thought I couldn't see through your lies.
I am done with you.
I am done with everything that has to do with you.
Family or not.
You are out of my life.
You expect everyone to just love you.
But, who could love something so fake?
You live a lie.
You treat people poorly.
Do you realize how many you have hurt?
Not everything is about you.
You couldn't keep your hands off.
So, I had to say goodbye.
I loved you but now I dislike you.
I will never hate you.
You are blood.
But, you can never take back the things you have done.
Not only to me but the rest of the family.
I wish everyone else would say goodbye.
But, time will tell.
You will lose the ones you love.
Goodbye.
You were not good for me.
You brought me down.
Played me for a fool.
Thought I couldn't see through your lies.
I am done with you.
I am done with everything that has to do with you.
Family or not.
You are out of my life.
You expect everyone to just love you.
But, who could love something so fake?
You live a lie.
You treat people poorly.
Do you realize how many you have hurt?
Not everything is about you.
You couldn't keep your hands off.
So, I had to say goodbye.
I loved you but now I dislike you.
I will never hate you.
You are blood.
But, you can never take back the things you have done.
Not only to me but the rest of the family.
I wish everyone else would say goodbye.
But, time will tell.
You will lose the ones you love.
Goodbye.
Hiding.
You hide behind your lies.
You hide behind a fake smile.
Someone will see right through you.
I have come to correct you.
I see through the lies.
I see through the fake smile.
Your heart is still bleeding from all the past beatings.
Did you ever think that I would be the one?
The one to take you down?
I haunt you like a bad dream.
You don't want to admit I am the one.
You hide behind all that is gone.
When will you admit it?
That you can't hide any longer.
That you can't hide from me.
You fear for change.
That the fun will be gone.
When will you let yourself settle down?
You hide behind your music.
You hide behind your job.
When will you come out of hiding?
When will you open your eyes?
I am not here to hurt you.
I am here to take your heart.
You know you already have mine.
Now you are putting me into hiding.
I have to hide behind my words.
I have to hide behind a fake smile.
I have to hide from you.
The time is coming...
Will you keep hiding?
Or will you lose me because of it.
You hide behind a fake smile.
Someone will see right through you.
I have come to correct you.
I see through the lies.
I see through the fake smile.
Your heart is still bleeding from all the past beatings.
Did you ever think that I would be the one?
The one to take you down?
I haunt you like a bad dream.
You don't want to admit I am the one.
You hide behind all that is gone.
When will you admit it?
That you can't hide any longer.
That you can't hide from me.
You fear for change.
That the fun will be gone.
When will you let yourself settle down?
You hide behind your music.
You hide behind your job.
When will you come out of hiding?
When will you open your eyes?
I am not here to hurt you.
I am here to take your heart.
You know you already have mine.
Now you are putting me into hiding.
I have to hide behind my words.
I have to hide behind a fake smile.
I have to hide from you.
The time is coming...
Will you keep hiding?
Or will you lose me because of it.
Drama
You say you have no drama?
Life is drama.
You create your own drama.
You destroy your own world.
Drama is around you no matter what.
If you actually sat and listened to someone there would be no drama.
People have a hard time believing that drama is ones own fault.
I know I have drama.
You want to tell me you don't?
Ha, that would be a lie.
You can't live life without it.
It is everywhere you turn.
Everywhere you look.
Accept it and move on.
Life is drama.
You create your own drama.
You destroy your own world.
Drama is around you no matter what.
If you actually sat and listened to someone there would be no drama.
People have a hard time believing that drama is ones own fault.
I know I have drama.
You want to tell me you don't?
Ha, that would be a lie.
You can't live life without it.
It is everywhere you turn.
Everywhere you look.
Accept it and move on.
Things have changed.
I won't lie and say things are grand.
I won't lie and tell you I am the same.
You have pushed me over the edge.
Things have changed.
People aren't the same.
Our lives have been turned upside down.
You have ruined something so amazing.
Things have changed.
Will you be by my side in the end?
Will you haunt my dreams forever?
I am trying my best to forget the past.
Remembering only the good times.
Remember the waterfall?
Things have changed.
So much pain has passed between us both.
Lovers have come and gone.
You think I don't hurt anymore?
The things you do hurt me more then ever now.
My heart is being shattered.
Little by little.
Things have changed.
Life is coming full speed now.
I am ready for the final change.
I won't lie and tell you I am the same.
You have pushed me over the edge.
Things have changed.
People aren't the same.
Our lives have been turned upside down.
You have ruined something so amazing.
Things have changed.
Will you be by my side in the end?
Will you haunt my dreams forever?
I am trying my best to forget the past.
Remembering only the good times.
Remember the waterfall?
Things have changed.
So much pain has passed between us both.
Lovers have come and gone.
You think I don't hurt anymore?
The things you do hurt me more then ever now.
My heart is being shattered.
Little by little.
Things have changed.
Life is coming full speed now.
I am ready for the final change.
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